Insular Communities & Relations in Our Local BDSM Scenes

Insular Communities & Relations in Our Local BDSM Scenes

Thought of the day: Insular Communities, barriers to care, comparisons to BDSM and whether the advent of social networking can precipitate change

Greetings friends, be warned this is going to be one of My overly long blog entries that you may wish to leave until you have time to read at length. In the past year I have paid attention to more and more pieces of writing, which have featured on kinky and popular. As that feature was updated I was exposed to more and more writing displaying issues of all sorts in local BDSM communities. I spent time reading about issues with practicalities such as planning, work shops, munches, and the such. What was more highlighted was most recently were the issues in a Philadelphia scene which remain clear in My mind. I remember over a couple of weeks seeing posts from various members of their scene and some rather disturbing tales. This followed on from other “breaking stories” from members of other communities. Sadly this seemed to be a common patten. The posts I read not only covered dysfunctional relationships in  these small groups, but exposed views of person's who had been subject to abuse, non consensual sexual acts and so forth. I spent many an hour reading the hundreds and hundreds of comments and responses to these posts. I noticed the support from outsiders who had shared similar stories and held sympathy for the writer. I paid attention to the back lash from others who felt it should not be discussed. In the end things were split down the middle people asking for more transparency and supporting the people claiming to have suffered in some way. The moderates saying a crime is a crime and must be reported, and to those disparaging the writer as a liar or someone “confused with the events”, to others drawing away and supporting the others involved as pillars of the community.

My overall understanding seemed to be that people can be allowed to participate in a community for many years and others will protect and keep secrets. I have read of new persons upset with the morality of not been told at a first play event that someone they went away with had a background of “problems with consent”, and of people furious that any would dare suggest the possibility that a person in a community could be anything less than upstanding. Where does this leave us though, simple: There is 2 possibilities that a scene to people either is one where every member of any long standing could not possibly have faults or have committed a crime; the second that every community is going to have persons who have or have the ability to be damaging to others. Online We can be more open and critical of others communities. The criticism seems to come from those who have suffered at the hands of others in their Own scenes, but who are either no longer active in theirs or feel far enough removed to safely comment. Does a larger Fetish community allow for these issues to be better addressed or does in the end the “old boys club” to use a political metaphor trump even the power of a social networking site bringing together communities.

So where am I going with all of this? Not really any where besides My usual thought process when something of interest comes to mind. I awoke with thoughts on the medias recent coverage of insular communities and crimes, this went on to the insular communities I had been exposed to and in some cases grown up in, and finally the wider impacts of such situations on the people living in them, and those coming into them. I have an interest in the general health of such situations and the barriers that are in place for those who enter into them. I would like to consider the similarities in crime, health and access in these communities and see if there is comparable information in BDSM. Some further interest coming from past blogs I have written, such as “The Potential For Violent Response in Intense Scenes” and “Submissive Needs, Slave Training and Abuse”. Some of the people I mentioned in those blog's certainly having experienced living in an insular community and suffered abuse, while others continue happily in healthy situations which still fit the criteria of insular. Is there a way to differentiate between what maintains one healthy and the other not? I hope to discover more and get feedback from My many and varied friends here on FetLife. I know among you there is many very intelligent brains who may be able to add to My considerations and add more thought and ideas I had not touched on. I also wish to explore My own complicity in knowing of issues, and not speaking out. When you have information that is known to you but is passed on through a client or a person who has experienced a criminal event, what barriers are stopping the open communication of this. It is certainly a moral issue, We may have morals and ethics, but there is certainly a barrier to be able to share and make others aware. I hope to also look at the dealings with law enforcement, and the struggle to find validation from a society that is not well equipped to understand the complexities of the community. Where do We begin? And does the growth of social networking in BDSM mean that in future this will be a precursor to change and if so how will that change occur and what will it require from a community that is decidedly one with a lifestyle that is not understood, to be just that understood.

So let us get started and explore “Insular Communities, barriers to care, comparisons to BDSM and whether the advent of social networking can precipitate change” I must thank librarydog who is right now doing My pedicure as I type for listening and helping to formulate a structured way of approaching what is a very complex topic. I have no clear reason for wanting to approach this in a blog beyond spending so much time reading about related issues which has led Me to wishing to further explore this area of thought.


To start with We are going to need a very clear idea of what defines insular. From the websters dictionary We see they state:
Definition of INSULAR
1
a : of, relating to, or constituting an islandb : dwelling or situated on an island
2
: characteristic of an isolated people; especially : being, having, or reflecting a narrow provincial viewpoint
Examples of INSULAR

Origin of INSULAR
Late Latin insularis, from Latin insula island
First Known Use: 1611
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/insular
and insularity:
It may also mean a person, group of people, or a community that is only concerned with their limited way of life and not at all interested in new ideas or other cultures.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insularity

When We look at insularity or an insular community We tend to look at areas of religious and cultural difference and not just areas which are cut off in the most part from tourism and modern day interactions. In the areas of religion and culture, entire religions or even countries could be considered insular. One of the most common modern insular communities that spring into most people minds would be the Amish communities or even the fundamentalist church of latter day saints in the USA. Popular culture has exposed us through books, television and documentaries as to the on going lives of people living in their faiths. Still just as much we can look at tiny communities; such as small coastal islands, where generations of people have lived and even after decades one is still considered an outsider. I can think of the original movie the wicker man not the recent Nicolas Cage version of an example of how distant and separate a group of people can be from the rest of society, while still been expected to abide by the rules of society. Jodi Picoult also was another modern novelist to draw attention to the Amish way of life and their very insular community. I Myself lived in such a community twice one in the far east and another in the deep south, in South Carolina. There was very closed ways to protect each other in the community and people who had lived their for decades were still the outsiders. Those of prominence and popularity would always be given a way out for any misdemeanor, due to family connections, money or power.  I remember in particular in the far east, how it must have been for My mother who had just a small chance to make her way into the circle of ex pats living there and to befriend OR to be befriended by the women who would make up her social circle. If she did not pass the standards it would have been a most depressing and sad life trapped in a tiny out of the way country with no friends or ability to socialize.

While from a modern media stand point We can enjoy taking in learning and reading about these different cultures, there is a darker undercurrent. I think the most infamous example for people is looking at what the media likes to call cults, now before We begin a debate in that area. Let us look at exactly how people who classify religions as cults could also see BDSM groups, poly families, and Gorean homes as exactly the same. From the outsider looking in, there is not the understanding to see or understand the complexities of the relationships; and perhaps like those groups the media can focus on BDSM groups and perceive in the same way. I am not stating this as a fact, as I wish to read further and delve into legal cases and situations where society has become involved into lifestyle groups of any sort.

I remembered quite clearly a documentary “Sons of Perdition” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1296893/  which was a look at the young teenage boys who were pushed out of their families in Utah, so that older men in the families could have more wives. There is a charity set up in a near by city where many of these young boys end up. I recommend watching it, a very interesting look at a closed community. So why is all of this worth posting on Fetlife and of any reference? For many BDSM is a lifestyle and in a way their religion whether they consider themselves Atheist's or not.  Many are just kinkster's who like to play and have some fun but others chose it as a way of life and live in families, groups and have lives which revolve around their local scene, contacts, peers and events.  To return to where I started, which is what happens when a person runs into an issue in their community and or experiences crime, abuse or simply rejection. I want to specify the rejection issue as for a submissive or slave who has been a part of a group or scene for a long time, a falling out can mean the loss of their friends and social circle and a black listing almost of them from those they are close too. Often those they are close too may not wish to communicate with them further or risk the same occurrence. This is where power exchange becomes an issue as those who may be a support system can be prevented from giving that support, due to orders or their loyalties. This is where BDSM differs but is also similar to insular communities. There is certainly leaders and Dominants who have the ability to chose what the people under them do and how they act or live and with whom they communicate. This is not always the case, obviously especially as internet communication and social networking has given way to people having far wider support systems and also Dominants and leaders been held to higher standards by their peers around the world. This still does not mean that every relationship is ethical, moral, and maintaining agreed upon or implied consent. Consent becomes one of the most relevant issues as the longer a relationship continues the more blurred lines can become as to a persons human rights. We must look at understanding how We define consent and how the vanilla world can comprehend and accept it. Should consent be something that is readdressed once a period of contracts are finished and someone is Owned? Or is slavery at that point no longer having a choice and simply the giving up of rights to a complete TPE (Total Power Exchange). The victims or people who run into issues in BDSM are often new to a scene, but can just as equally have been involved for a number of years. To speak out brings many issues; there is the risk not just of fall out with in the community of people not taking an accusation seriously, or turning a blind eye to the actions because of their own connections to a group or persons. I know others have brought up the policing of the BDSM community and I have seen arguments for and against self policing. Is it working though? How can a community, especially a local one be impartial when they have multiple relationships to maintain with others? In the end it seems often the community protects it's own to the loss of those who have suffered abuse. Does that not make us all complicit in allowing abuse? To look at an outside example this article is of interest “Policing Insular Communities” http://www.crimeanalystblog.net/2011/10/policing-insular-communities.html

I am sure people are reading this and finding it amusing that I could compare a local scene or group to a cult or small community where abuse and cover ups are the norm. I am sure others have crossed the same thought processes and had concerns with how their Own involvement with such a community impacts their ethics and morality. I do not want to go to far into cases of cults and small communities shutting down in the case of a prominent member been accused of a crime. I am sure of the top of your head you can think of multiple examples, in churches, in cults, in small towns, etc. You will also be aware of how often police cases and the crimes are often not for decades if ever treated with the seriousness they should be. If the victims do ever get the validity for the crimes committed against them, or if in the end they are left damaged they may end up doing a couple of rounds on talk shows and are then left to finding a new life with no support from what was their entire life and family. In BDSM this does not occur in general and a person ostracised will no longer have a place to be part of what is for many a huge area of their life.

How many people here reading this while not on such a serious scale, have found their place in the BDSM community, and found a connection or family, or scene. They have found happiness and joy, finally a place they fit in, many live happily. How many though have run into issues with others, or had those fall apart and found themselves on the outskirts no longer having the needed support or love, and alone, cast as an outsider, or trouble maker. In the case of having to report an issue people are encouraged to talk to their mentors, to a community leader, and to deal with it in the community. Why is this? This is because We wish to help maintain an image of high standards and keep the image of perversion a cleaned up version of it not one tainted by the possibility that there is those among Us who are abusers or criminals. So that We are not one and all tarred with the same brush. We are trying to promote safety and that the life We live is a good healthy one, yet We will often not deal with or allow for talk about those who have done wrong. Instead it seems to become a pervasive issue of sweeping away issues to protect an image, perhaps forgetting that the image We are protecting is one of perverse, strange people who have separated themselves from society already.

The more that We continue to protect, and hide problems or faults in Our community the more insular We become, instead of trying to promote that We are just as normal as vanilla people with the same values as them. So let Me ask this.. If you discovered a family member in a vanilla world or a co worker committed a crime or had done something suspicious how much would you protect them, would you second guess a child who claims abuse, a friend who claims rape, would you encourage them to go to the police or would you hush it up and tell them they must have imagined it or it is best dealt with in the family.

Obviously the duality of these issues cross over and the main issue I see is that many do not even want their connection to BDSM to be known. Many are threatened with outing, to tell family members or work mates.. there is so much to be lost. Still in saying that if We chose to take part in a certain lifestyle, what is more important protecting Our privacy or standing up for morals and ethics We would apply in the vanilla sides of Our lives. IF we can consider a BDSM local scene an insular community. People have to protect their families, jobs, representation in society, fear of authorities understand or judging due to perversions and having to clarify consent to the vanilla world. So if that is the case and BDSM is an insular community. Then how do the issues that are widely documented in closed communities around the world apply? And how can We find a way to change so that we can be safer, people can speak out, and perhaps through wider understanding as an international group make changes that can occur.

That was a lot to take in and I am not happy with the cohesive nature of what I am trying to get across. I will come back at a later point when I have had some time to go over it all after more reading and taking in peoples responses and input on such issues, and hopefully post a better framed direction on this discussion. Either way I find the issues important and wish to think more on the community, the issue of consent in and out of the community and how the community deals with internal conflict and fits in with external authorities. I am will share some links for your further reading and look forward to any response. Please be aware that I am posting this in an unfinished format, and it is not up to My usual standard but I did not realise when I began writing, just how complicated the issues are. I will return once I have read up on more relevant cases and law. In the meantime hopefully there will be some interesting discussion from My friends around the world. I am sure many of you will have stories to share of how your local community functions, and if you have ever had concerns or have found ways to improve on its functioning. I hope you will take the time to share.

Mistress Venom www.mistressvenom.com

Here are some links I was reading:

http://pervocracy.blogspot.co.nz/2012/04/scene-is-not-safe.html
http://feminismandreligion.com/2011/09/24/playing-safe-bdsm-the-ethics-of-justice-and-care-by-angelina-duell/
http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/daniel-darling/penn-state-and-the-danger-of-insular-communities.html

Dungeon Fun in August

Well the year has gone so fast already.. August I can hardly believe it!!
I have been so busy for the past 6 weeks and I finally have more time for the dungeon. Which is great considering some of the new toys in stock.
New CBT devices
New custom made solid stainless steel wrist and ankle shackles
New solid stainless steel collar and connectors
New latex hoods from Simon O
New human sized heavy duty plastic bags for breath play and restriction
New paddles and more leather belts, tawses, and straps
Even more tape, and wrap for mummification

So much to try out and if you are looking for a quick punishment for the naughty school boy / girl, or some judicial punishment - My 15 minute special at $80 is just the thing.
For half an hour you can take it further and try out some bondage (metal, rope, rubber, leather), electro play, or whatever your fetish with golden showers and enemas inclusive at $200

If you want to try extreme CBT or take your experience to a new level longer sessions with intense psychodrama are available. If you want to find out what it is like to leave all control behind and lose  yourself in the ultimate head space, be careful what you ask for.

Mistress also has a new corset on the way photos to be coming soon.. Custom fitting does take a few weeks. Of course do not forget that one of the best ways to end your session is to be teased, or used as a sex toy for a gorgeous lady. Feel that you need some training in how to please a Lady while under My strict control.. Call now 021 179 7035
www.mistressvenom.com
Auckland CBD

 And let us not forget queening or breast smothering.. Here are some recent photos from this week of Myself, Mistress Venom with more coming soon.. I got a brand new camera and am looking forward to many new images. Do not be fooled by the smile.. If you follow Me on FetLife you know better..

Last chance to spend time with...

Until the 18th of August I am welcoming the lovely Elle and Anna back to Auckland. This also means after the fifth if you would like to be joined by one of these sexy ladies to provide you with a special service in the Dungeon you can book us both. Elle is heading overseas on the 18th. I know that My clients will miss her so if you want to see her one more time book in advance. If you want to try the idea of Domination and bondage while been teased and forced to pleasure either of these ladies now is the chance. They are 2 of the best escorts in New Zealand and their reviews and photos speak for themselves. If you want to enjoy the erotic pleasure of orgasm denial, forced pussy worship, under My control.. Well prepare for the experience of a life time!! What better way than to end a session bound and gagged totally restrained with one of these ladies using your body for their pleasure.... 

www.mistressvenom.com
0211797035

Anna

Elle

Mistress Venom and Myself photo from 26th of July 2012 the woman in charge.

Learning to Garden – Feet, Foot, Trample, Crush Fetish Erotica

Learning to Garden – A Story by Mistress Venom

If you are working for the media, research for studies or documentaries, you may not use any of My writings or texts shared on fetlife.com provided by Myself. If I discover materials I have shared anywhere, you will be promptly contacted by My lawyer.

Part 1.

It is a quiet street in a friendly neighbourhood, seated across from the river and a park by the banks. During the week days there is the usual city noise, as cars begin early in the morning to take up parking spots, near enough for a walk to the business district. People gathering briefcases and satchels, setting off for a day at work. As evening falls the residents come home and the city workers cars are long gone. Then it is quiet, much as on the weekend, especially now in the early summer. The winds and rain showers of the spring have begun to clear, the river banks are spotted by pretty beds of flowers. The street is part of the local community group calling themselves the river loop or something similar. Neighbours are friendly and watchful and chat as they pass each other on the way to the corner store, or coming out of their homes.

I have with interest though drawn my attention to this particular street, as just yesterday a “For lease” sign went up, with the usual real estate decals. You may wonder why something as common as a real estate sign would be worth not just interest but to put my thoughts down about it. That is easy to answer, in this small cul-de-sac is one particular home of interest. It is the house right next door to the one looking for a new tenant. Thinking back it was around two months ago that a moving truck pulled up early one morning. Out of the truck hopped two average looking men who started to open the truck and lower the back. Leaning on the back they then waited, as did I to see who would be moving in.

Before long a car pulled up behind the truck, and parked to one side. The driver door opened and out stepped a most unusual looking lady. Clad in oversized dark glasses, and a neat outfit of black pants and a black shirt with a low cut back, her hair fell carelessly over one shoulder. The hair was what I stared at first, it was streaked with bright blue and pink among the shiny black. Her nails had almost claw like nails that I immediately assumed could not be real, not so much the length but the painted patterns on each perfectly matched nail. The heels she wore looked most uncomfortable and matched her hair, a snake skin print with pink, blue and purple tones. Black toenails peeked out from the tip of the shoes. Curious I kept staring, wondering what she was up to.

To my surprise she hauled a large black tote bag, completely oversized and studded with metal pieces and strutted over to the men at the truck. This was going to be the new tenant?! In my own history moving is a tedious business and she was certainly not dressed for such work, nor could she be the landlord, as I have seen him many times. I briefly considered a property manager or someone similar but quickly dismissed the idea, for the same reason I did not believe her a tenant moving in. It was the way she was dressed, the strange coloured hair, the impractical glasses, huge bag, towering coloured high heels and what I had just noticed metal glinting jewellery protruding from above her upper lip and glinting on one side of her face. I may not be up with these modern things, but I believe the youth call such facial decorations, “piercings”.

Stopping with my close inspection, I concentrated instead on the conversation between the three. It was quickly apparent this was indeed the new tenant. She handed over a list, asking three times if it was clearly understood. Then with both men following her they went inside. A quick tour was made of each room as she barked out directions, with no thank you or requests, simply orders. I will not bore you with the rest, it was just a very efficient moving day. The men worked hard and lifted, carried, and arranged. The lady herself settled in the outside courtyard, drinking iced tea and reading from a book. Occasionally one of the men would come to speak to her and she would put the book down and go inside to direct a particular order. In short order all was done and they all left. I did not see her again that day.

The next day the lady and one of the men returned, this time in the car, parking in the garage. The man opening the door of the car and then tried to balance the armful of things she proceeded to hand him. Following her into the house balancing bags, groceries, and a pair of ladies shoes. They went into the house and I followed along to see what this new inhabitant would reveal. Immediately she spoke clearly explaining where to place each item the man carried. Then she left to take a shower telling him to wait against the wall for her return. I waited watching the man who seemed used to this. After putting away the items he had carried, he stood himself in the corner against the wall, head pointed to the ground, a slight slump in his stance, and waited in silence. Curious I wondered at this as he stayed perfectly still for at least an hour before the lady returned.

Still unusually dressed this time in a form fitting black strapless dress, with a mass of torn mesh material making up some kind of skirting. Really it looked like it had been cut and hacked with a child’s scissors. In keeping she wore strange arm stockings, a fish net mesh with holes through which her centre finger extended from, and a pair of shiny black boots with the most massive platforms I had ever seen outside of a circus! Still in a way it was attractive and she appeared fresh and clean her still damp hair pulled back from her face, showing a pair of large eyes, ringed with heavy black kohl.

She seated herself on a leather chair and called the man over, addressing him as “maid”. Quickly he shuffled himself over to her and she proceeded to write out a list of cleaning tasks, adding verbal instructions that sounded of a ridiculous standard. That was the first evening I spent watching, the lady seated either reading or on a portable computer, the man or maid busy cleaning or fetching if she called him. As I watched late that night as She climbed into her luxurious looking bed and removed her night shirt and lay there a strong back displayed, her hair piled on her head, face peaceful on the pillow. I watched as the maid rubbed cream into her back and shoulders until she fell asleep, gentle breathing noises and small sighs audible. The maid then covered his lady with the covers and quietly switched off the bed side light. Then he lay himself away from the bed in the far corner, laying on the floor, he quickly was asleep and I wondered why he chose the floor, wondering if his bed had yet to arrive as the other room had been filled with ladies clothing and such female things.

I was soon to spend most of my travels watching this household, as it was something far different from the usually busy families, or arguing couples. This is why when I saw the real estate sign go up, I wondered what would occur. The lady and her maid had no neighbour on the other side, it was instead a large private wall with an art cottage rarely used on the other side. She enjoyed complete privacy in her courtyard as the previous tenant was an old lady who struggled to see anything even with her glasses. She left with a daughter to move to a residential care home for the elderly. I wondered what would happen with a new neighbour, would he pay attention to this lady? What would he hear if she had her windows or doors open to air the house, what would he think if he saw the maid in his most feminine uniform. All these questions and more ran through my mind that day, but I had to wait a week before the sign was taken down and a cleaning crew prepared the home.

Part 2 – Moving in

The moving day for the new tenant was far more normal than that of his new neighbour. The man appeared to be in his mid twenties, was casually dressed in jeans and a t shirt and sported a pair of eye glasses. This time there was no moving company or furniture truck, as the duplex he had leased came furnished. Instead I watched as he made a few trips in his car, loading and unloading boxes and various items. He quickly set about getting things in place and his first evening cooked a simple meal of pasta before retiring to the bedroom where he read for a short while before quickly falling to sleep. It was a Monday when he moved in, so the new neighbours did not pass each other or have any contact.

Things continued along regular schedules in both households. The lady and her maid occasionally entertaining a couple of females who visited, and the rest of the time absent at work. When they were home alone, often the lady would punish physically her maid. I watched many evenings where he was bound tightly over furniture and given beatings that made me shiver. Other times he massaged her feet which she seemed to enjoy frequently, or brought her down various shoes which she would try on. Sometimes she would secure him to the floor and standing or seated over him use her bare feet, or even heels to step on his body. She seemed to take particular pleasure in placing pressure on his genital region and hovering the high arches of heels over his neck.

Another activity becoming familiar was to see her standing over him with a whip in hand, while he licked with an eager tongue at her heels. Sometimes she would walk in the soil outside or out in the rain and dirt before forcing him down to lick them clean. Other times I watched her observe him removing the many pairs of shoes from racks and cleaning each with his tongue as she teased and laughed before inspecting each pair for a level of shine before they were replaced. This was something I never heard the maid utter one word of complaint about, in fact he seemed most happy to have this lady’s feet covering his face or shoved into his mouth for him to lick and suck. It was really a most unusual situation, but even I was beginning to appreciate the goings on. Her feet were always beautiful soft in appearance and the toenails painted. I wondered what it would feel like to have her stand on me like that, I was less sure though of whether I would want to lick clean the shoes she wore out. Still I began to wish it was something I could experience at least once.

That week as the weekend drew near, while the new neighbour was seated alone at his dining table drinking a beer and working a crossword puzzle, more unusual happenings were just across from his window. Behind the long drawn curtains the lady had laid out her maid once more on the floor this time in the kitchen on the tiles. She seemed excited and was chattering away to the maid who quietly replied. She came back to the front hallway where the maid had left a large box. Picking it up she returned with it to the kitchen. Opening the box I could see a huge layered and decorated chocolate cake. I began to wonder if it was possible to eat laying face up on the floor with arms tied to ones thighs. As I thought about this the lady removed her heels of the day, this pair simple black sandals with a lower heels. She then carefully drew down her stockings and placed both the shoes and stockings to one side.

Peering down at the large cake, she began to discuss exactly what she should do, not waiting or expecting an answer from the maid. Then as she often did, she had made up her mind and removed the cake from the box, sliding it out on to the middle of the floor. She fetched a chair and seated herself on it, swinging her feet and legs back and forth. Then with her left foot, she dabbed a toe against the cake, knocking off a cherry. Quickly she dropped her foot and juice spurted out as she flattened it under her bare foot. The juice hit the maid who was nude except for a pair of white female panties, which was not the most attractive site for me. Now she considered the cake again and held both her feet above the cake, head titled to the side in concentration.

Before I knew it she had plunged her feet into the cake, letting out a delicious squeal and exclamation that it was cold. She lifted up her feet and inspected them, covered in chocolate they were, the brown a sharp contrast to her pale skin. Back into the cake went one foot wriggling toes exploring the cake, which pushed up from between her slightly splayed toes. That seemed to be enough and she stood up, pushing the chair out of the way. She then began to decimate the cake trampling, and sliding in the chocolate mess until only a third of the original cake was still somewhat in tack. By now chocolate flecks covered the cabinets, walls, and was working its way in smudges up her legs. She took the remaining cake and placed it on the chest of the almost nude maid. Then she began to smear and rub it into his body all with her chocolate covered feet. By the end she sat back down and using her very toes and feet together picked up pieces of mushed sponge forcing them into the maids mouth. This continued for some time and until the maid answered finally that he could consume no more. This upset our lady and I was shocked as she lifted up her skirt and urinated on him!! Then that was it she left after untying his hands and went to shower. The maid dutifully scrubbed and cleaned till no sign of the mess was left.

www.mistressvenom.com UPDATED

Finally I have taken the time to get My web site up to date. I have added 2 new photo galleries featuring new photos of Myself from this week and also added many new photos to the Dungeon Fun Gallery.

My hair color may change but My chest size does not and I still love to smother helpless slaves in My generous cleavage if they please Me that is.. You will also notice that due to popular demand I am now available for dinner dates. If you are intimidated by BDSM, but have found My company and intellect enjoyable and wish to learn about My lifestyle and work you may take Me out to dinner (I am a huge foodie) and ask all the questions you would like. This is due to popular demand from many people on AdultForum who enjoy My geekiness but are terrified of My Dungeon. See http://mistressvenom.com/southern-venom-fees for more information.

 I have also finally updated My links page: http://mistressvenom.com/southern-venom-links To include the wonderful sex shop The Basement http://basementnz.com/  where you can buy an assortment of toys for pleasure and pain and they have a multi room area for any bi curious, bi, or gay guys for fun with porn, themed rooms and company. Entry fee is just $14 day or night and they are located at 12 Canada Street (Down Drive) Newton Auckland Telephone : 09 3022250. If you go in I can sometimes be found in the shop and do not forget to say Mistress Venom sent you or spankings will be in order or no spankings if your a masochist! If you are one of My clients do mention it.

I am also happy to have added My friends the amazing Master Anton and Master Donald both Professional Male Dominants with many years of experience catering to bi and gay subbies. Go to My links page and you can visit their web sites from there and check out their Dungeons!

I have also added links to 2 of Auckland and New Zealand's top escorts. The lovely Brooke Bailey and the stunning goddess Anna.

Enjoy the updates and hope to see you for some Dungeon fun soon! New toys include:
Heavy custom made stainless steel wrist and ankle shackles.
New bull whip.
New electro gear.
A selection of new sexy heels for trampling and heel worship.
Stocks and locking pillory. Over 40 new canes, paddles and floggers.
Seven piece leather belt restraint set.
New humbler.
New breast torture vice. And I can not think what else...
Call for a booking 0211797035 Mistress Venom
http://mistressvenom.com/

Feature on CreviceCanyone Blog

http://www.crevicecanyon.com/?p=2184

I have been featured for the second time on photographer and blogger Amie's blog.
She joined Me on Saturday for a 3 hour session of photos and fun. Visit her blog to see My work captured so beautifully!
www.mistressvenom.com

Mistress Venom + Sexy Young Vixen Elle Last Month A tribute

This was the very first time I saw Elle, when She contacted by email.

Little was I to know there was so much more to her than her amazing good looks. These are some photos I will treasure taken a month ago on My much beloved sofa that many of you will recognize from its Fetlife fame. Don't forget to follow Me and over 800 images of My work: https://fetlife.com/users/542651

So this is My tribute to certainly the most stunning girl in the city and who only can be rivaled by My lovely emily austin I consider as wonderful at her work. I look forward to some fun sessions with her and laughter before she leaves. It has been wonderful to see the odd Dominant side of her peek out and her enjoyment of male humiliation. Elle you will be much missed and never forgotten and I will make sure to email most weeks, as I said to you the other week, you ever need anything. You just call and I will be there to help. With all My love and gratitude for your friendship Mistress Venom Elles last day with Me is may 28th to book use My website www.mistressvenom.com She is available for role play fantasy sessions in the Dungeon until that date call 021 179 7035 to book 91m - 9pm

submissive "needs", abuse and slave training

submissive "needs", abuse and slave training



After reading a few posts over the past weeks and after responding to an email. I have once again decided to discuss an area of BDSM that is controversial and will probably cause division among the communities opinion. I am bringing up the topic of the needs of a submissive; which in itself is a statement that is going to be met by both the stalwart slave and by Dominants with the usual a slave has no needs other than to serve there Owner from the extreme side; and with the of course from the We all have rights and needs side.

To begin let us look at the definition of an abusive relationship.
Stanford University describes it thus:
"Relationship Abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. An abusive relationship means more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about you. Abuse can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern to try to control her/him."
A diagram:
http://www.stanford.edu/group/svab/DV-abuse_cycle.p…

and from helpguide.org:
Signs of an abusive relationship

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior

Do you:
feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Does your partner:
humiliate or yell at you?
criticize you and put you down?
treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
blame you for their own abusive behavior?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Does your partner:
have a bad and unpredictable temper?
hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
threaten to take your children away or harm them?
threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
force you to have sex?
destroy your belongings?
Does your partner:
act excessively jealous and possessive?
control where you go or what you do?
keep you from seeing your friends or family?
limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
constantly check up on you?

Now when looking at that We can all smile because many of those things are part of BDSM relationships, while others are clear examples of abuse, as in having your rights as a human taken away.

A lot of it though is a gray area. The difference is that in an extreme BDSM relationship there is a background, a history, training, agreed terms before Ownership and a shared JOY over been able to live in an extreme 24-7 relationship, marriage or household. To the vanilla world and even the less extreme part of Our communities some relationships and activities appear unhealthy when they are not and others are just that unhealthy.

I can look at the example of Owning a slave who has no control of finances, over daily choices such as bathroom usage, time management, feeding times, and to be used at the whim of the Owner as a purely sexually object to serve who the Owner wants, a full time toilet, or to be kept in permanent restraint or to be degraded and humiliated or physically beaten on whim. I know a few and they know who they are that are either a) suited and happy in such relations or b) would be perfectly capable and happy living this way. These like Dominants such as Myself who practice on the furthest fringe of BDSM and enjoy things that make others feel sick or angered, are rare creatures.

I am a member of many groups on here and often active in participation on topics that take My interest. I see slaves who speak of having no rights, no limits, and that is how they must be, and I see them also feeling depressed, unworthy, and symptomatic of the unhappy slave. Yet all the while they say but I am happy i just wish I could better please My Owner. This post plays in a lot with My post on humiliation play and also the one on the potential for violent response.

So what am I trying to say here, that the extreme fantasies people have or the extreme relationships some live out are all wrong? Of course not; as for Me that is My life. I am saying though that a slave DOES have needs. At least at the beginning and that is where I make the difference. The training of a slave.

I see people young, old, male or female, who meet someone who wants to live out their Sadism and fetishes and it seems to start right way. I often have a lot of shocked responses and comments to photos that I post and share. Lots of FUCK NO's or OMG WHY or that is just SICK. Those come from the part of the community that does not participate in such activities and probably will never want to. Others express their desire to be able to mimic or be as well used by their Owner or potential Owner. People seem to be thrown into relationships, often young, or unsure of who they are; as they are naturally submissive they just want to please and will follow the orders. The Dominants, tops, Owners however We want to class them very rarely seem to talk about the more intimate dynamics of relationships. When you read some of these posts you wonder, how long have they been together, how were they trained, are they truly suited to this. At least that is what I wonder.

A toilet who is married to its Owner and treated with total disregard can work if that is who they are and they know they are secure in that place. If they did not have that security and were discarded and tossed aside suddenly they would be aware of their needs. Then perhaps they would feel like a man I met about 7 years ago I think now back on alt who realised after 4 or 5 years the household and relationship he had been in was abuse. This only came to be after he was discarded until then his life was what he thought he wanted.

So the sub and the slave does have needs and if you want to Own a slave to use as a toilet, or object of humiliation 24-7, or to inflict intense physical play on at your pleasure then you need to train them properly. Training allows you to discover if this person is going to benefit from a future like this or if it is the wrong path for them. This is where I see so little discussion in groups these days on the training process. It is also something as a professional I see completely lacking in most clients. If you were training for a marathon or an extreme sport would you just start one day and run the whole thing?, or would you find a mentor, a coach, get the right gear, discover if your physical and mental health is up to the challenge. Commitment to such things take huge amounts of dedication and effort from both the participant and the coach.

Slavery is no different.

When people wonder how My slaves can do what they do, they do not seem to stop and consider there must have been times they could not, that it took time training and building the key factor of trust. You can not push someone to their limits by simply beating them over and over until they give up and just do it, you can not degrade them and put them down so much that they just give up and become what you want. It does not work that way.

So let Me allow you to challenge My Dominance by saying very clearly, I treat My slaves as humans with needs, I build them up, I teach them to be strong. I allow for failure, I offer comfort and acceptance of failure. I want them to know that non completion of something is not the end of the world. It is simply the end of that days training and a time to look at where We broke and how and when We can try again to push past. During training they must be allowed feelings, they must feel able to express themselves without fear of hurting you, upsetting you or retribution. You are trained to be able to take those 300 whip strokes, or push your body to take 500 needles, or to consume as a toilet daily by practice, reassurance and confidence building. It may seem anathema to suggest building confidence in order to be able to have a slave to humiliate and degrade that will make people stop in public play and be shocked at what they can handle. There are many parts to training, for Myself it involves a lot of talking, meditative practices, and allowing the slave to be heard. It all allows you as the Dominant to see if this person can be molded into what you both want or if you are going to have to guide them down a different path.

You may think you or your slave are suited to the most extreme relationship you desire but are you really. Do you feel good if your slave feels they can not please you or is never good enough? Do you hold that over them to force them to improve? Then you are not training a slave you are abusing a relationship and a human being.

So now feel free to tell Me I am not truly extreme enough or that I lessen Female superiority because I can listen, motivate and give hugs when needed in order to get the slave I want. I as usual do not care what you think. I know that I find success in My training and it is why I have had happy slaves who have willingly found pleasure in exploring more and more extreme play and I am glad they feel strong and confidant in knowing that even if they fail, I still am there for them and will pick them back up, and keep Us moving forward.

So for those of you who have written threads in certain groups or sent emails or display feelings of emptiness and unworthiness. Take a good long look at whether you are truly the failure you think or if it is your Owner.

As always have a lovely day and thank you for reading.
Mistress Venom
www.mistressvenom.com

Intense Scenes and the Potential For Violent Responses

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Dungeon Venom 2012 Auckland

www.mistressvenom.com

What is in the Dungeon....
Suspension frame over sized
Punishment horse leather and studs
Stocks and pillory
Spanking bench two tiered
Medical Bed, IV Stand, Medical cabinet, Enema gear, catheters
3000 feet of rope in jute, hemp and cotton
Cross dressing wardrobe and shoes
Violet wand kit for direct, indirect and loads of other play
Leather sling and stirrups
Rimba elctro unit
ESTIM electro unit
Elctro internal and external and custom made devices
Rubber body bag, rubber belt restraints, rubber hoods and inflatables
More canes, paddles, whips gags, harnesses, arm binders, blindfolds, strapo ons, anal hooks, speculums and anything else you could imagine.
Anal plugs from tiny to insanely massive. Prostate stimulators, fisting lube, needles and so much more...
So many rolls of palette wrap and tapes for mummification I could guess the meters to be in the 1000's
I have so many new exciting toys which came in the past couple of months.. Come and visit in Auckland CBD for a session soon!

Fetish Stiletto Heels Crushing teddybear

So I wanted you to enjoy some of My new shoe purchases... These are just 2 of the gorgeous 8 inch pairs I have added to My collection of around 150 pairs of heels and boots...

Enjoy...

Racial Play or Race play and what it means

Racial Play or Race play and what it means


So since I have had a couple of emails on this subject recently, and a comment on My crushpets profile where he describes himself as My brown Butler and Myself as his Superior white Goddess it seemed a good time to write a blog on the subject. Racial play is one of the misunderstood and murky areas in the BDSM community that often brings tensions high. The tensions are easy to understand and I am often amused that the same people who find racial play so wrong are happy to accept rape play and rape fantasies as an acceptable form of play.

This is actually a good carry on from My blog on humiliation play as racial play is a form of it and I believe it was one thing I mentioned there. I was first introduced to racial play at a young age and without having put much thought into there been an actual term to describe it. About 8 years ago maybe nice, see I am aging quickly :) I was contacted by a Doctor in Israel. He confessed to me his fantasies about cross dressing and a particular obsession with boots. As time passed he confessed even more that as an orthodox Jew his main sexual fantasy was around having a Female dress up as a Nazi SS officer complete with boots and to humiliate him around his heritage. This fantasy involved been forced to perform perverse acts to maintain his freedom and also to have to cum on his food and consume it to escape starvation unlike other prisoners.

At the time My young brain quickly brushed over the moral right and wrong and went straight to the sexual enjoyment. I was excited and aroused mentally and physically by the evil nature of the fantasy and the call of the taboo. Still for those in their late teens and early twenties We were well versed in WWII history and the holocaust. The war crime trials were still on going and the horrors perpetrated on all sides were still a fresh gouge in world history. Still while I knew I was getting a thrill out of this because it was taboo I did not feel wrong for doing it. It fit right into place with My enjoyment of humiliating men, military and interrogation. Since I spent time in Austria and Germany I became even more fascinated with Nazi role play and SS uniforms and enjoyed using wehrmacht protocol as part of My slave training regimes.

Over the years I had many opportunities to participate in German sessions based around interrogation and military themes and all of the play partners seemed as excited as I was by adding in Nazi themes. For many the idea of a cruel German Nazi SS officer torturing them was the ultimate turn on even if them as i were only considering it as role play and not racial play. At that young age I had not considered it as a separate fetish simply a combination of military and humiliation fantasy.

As the years passed racial play made its emergence in porn and although one can argue that has been there all along, i will leave that for another blog. Racial sites popped up all over as it seemed a natural progression for humiliation porn to head in. Again I can mention My friend Duke as at this time I began to realise the anger and hatred towards enjoyment of this fetish. One of his sites is focused on humiliating black women in derogatory terms and also using things like white flour and such in some of the more extreme videos. i got involved in some discussions and was really amazed to see that not only the vanilla community were so angry but fellow fetishists. I knew Duke had had a girlfriend of many years and she just happened to be black. He is also one of the least racist people I know, he is just doing his job providing wank material for perverts like Me who enjoy the racial play.

I remember him bringing up why the anger directed at his site for white men humiliating black women did not provoke a similar response to black men on wifewriting who abused white women in racial play writing all over their bodies. This of course is rather obvious the wounds of slavery and pre civil war times are still very fresh for many. However in saying that what Jewish family does not consider their losses in the holocaust as painful.

Areas of racial play that are commonly explored are:
- Nazi Jewish scenarios
- Holocaust reenactment
- Medical scenarios with nazi scientists
- White slaves seeking to be degraded by black Owners
- White sluts for breeding by black men
- Black slaves to serve White Owners
- Black slavery historical reenactment
- Asian humiliation play mainly focused on cuckolding or penis humiliation.

These are all areas that fit in with history and racial stereotyping. Racial play can be any kind of scene that both are happy with. For My crushpet and I it is the idea of him as a butler or a pool boy that I can tease and abuse as he desires to be wanted by his White Mistress but is instead tortured and humiliated. Ask him if he feels it is consensual and fun.. ask him if it has long term made him unhappy or if he feels I see him as a lesser being than Me.. He is My dear and loving slave and as a person My equal and one who choses to serve Me and I love him for it. The worst torture for him is not Me calling him a useless spic who neglected to clean the leaves out of the pool or enjoying telling guests how hard it is to find good help with these immigrant workers :P He will tell you the worst torture is when i take My feet away :D The rest of it just keeps him permanently aroused.

And there we have it some of us just found that the taboo factor in Our races was also able to become something that brought erotic enjoyment. Hopefully more people will try to understand this is simply another form of BDSM play it is up to you whether you enjoy it or not.

This though is where the fetish is misunderstood and why porn is allowed to be produced and why it is not illegal for someone to have racial scenes with a consenting partner. The courts made it very clear there is a huge difference in actresses playing under age school girls in adult movies, as much as they differentiate a rape scene in a movie from an actual rape.

So here I ask My many readers and friends, due to My enjoyment of Nazi role play, been worshiped by black slaves and enacting historical role play, or taking enjoyment in small penis humiliation of a few asian slaves based on their race. Am I the person on your friends list a racist?

If your answer is yes, then you do not know Me well at all, but if it is Yes then are the people on your friends list who like to be the rapists in rape fantasies rapists? Are the mommys and daddys who like to do age play with their partners pedophiles?

This is certainly a fetish many feel discomfort with and do not want to see such a scene or participate in one. That is fine I also do feel the need to have a romantic night with rose petals, candles and "loveeeee making". Instead give Me a pair of 6 inch stiletto shiny boots and get down on your knees and give them a propr spit polish. Then I may decide to save your life, or buy your from that evil plantation Owner.. But of course only if that is what gets you off too. Otherwise we can stick to bondage, CBT, feet or whatever it is that floats your boat. I might give you a funny look though if you ask Me to rape you.. Did you suggest I commit a crime??? or are We negotiating a scene.. So with My usual sardonic humor I will end this blog and hope I have enlightened you a little more on why those of us into race play enjoy it.

Mistress Venom, Auckland New Zealand
wwww.mistressvenom.com

Recent bondage and photos of My work 2012

It has been a while since I added new photos. So enjoy some of My work in rope, shibari, needles, and canes from the past two months!! So lots of bondage, needle play on males and a female. The male photo took 4 hours and was 158 needles. Lots of mummification and some catheter play enjoy.
Mistress Venom
www.mistressvenom.com