Monday, March 19, 2012

Intense Scenes and the Potential For Violent Responses

In My recent blog on humiliation play ( in the comments I touched on the subject of the potential for a violent response. This was in the context for Pro Dommes but it certainly can cross over into any play scene regardless of gender. I had promised to go into more detail on the subject, including My thoughts and experiences.

I will begin by discussing professional scenes an area which is predominately focused by the Female Dominant and the male submissive, however I will touch on the reverse situation. In My now nearly 5 years working Professionally I have had scenes where I have felt concern for My safety. Obviously this is always going to be a risk as in taking a client new or old you are meeting with a person who you have had either zero personal contact with or a purely professional relationship. In most cases the potential for violence comes from a client who begins with bad intentions, which is not the main focus of this discussion. I had an incident about a year ago which was the first and only encounter that I felt My life to be in danger.

To start with I will say that like most working professionals you are aware of an element of risk and you do your best to mitigate it. For Myself if a session is to involve physical fighting, wrestling, or some sort of resistance scene with a goal to strength overpowering, I take pre cautions. I will ask to meet with the person first, during this time I assess them carefully looking for facial and body language signs that may indicate discomfort in responses to questions or been symptomatic of lying. If I continue and make a booking I always make the person aware that I have a check in system. Someone is waiting to hear from Me at a certain point and if the check in is not made and with appropriate code words then they will assume the worst and either enter the house or contact the police.

In all such cases I am happy to say that I have never had an issue. Likewise with all bookings I depend upon My intuition, if something does not sound right on the phone, as I will not accept text bookings then I either take the above precautions or do not accept the client. Last year I had a booking for an extreme session and on the phone the person sounded normal, reasonable and responded well to all of the questions asked. In this case though I was extremely lucky as all was not well. On arrival it immediately became apparent that something was off. Without going into too much detail, I have extensive experience in noting peoples stance, movement, and responses. I am also lucky enough to possess enough strength to overpower most men and women. In this case I was not working from My dungeon and been in 7 inch heels on carpet left Me at a huge disadvantage. The conversation was concerning from the get go, with a sense of anger towards Me. I never took the time to discover if the person had plans on a robbery, rape or assault. I was lucky enough that in his nervous movements he turned around to walk to the back of the apartment to use the bathroom to smoke. I was also acting very much the part of a bimbo, I played dumb. The moment his back was turned I was able to get to a tiled area and use a self defense move to drop him to his knees and physically pushed him out of the door while he was incapacitated. I then immediately contacted the local advertising who have a warning board, a bonus of a legalized sex industry in New Zealand.

They were able to post a warning and description, for whatever nefarious purpose this person had, I felt that having just been caught and overpowered by a female when he had displayed obvious anger towards women in general it was a huge risk he would contact someone else who was less prepared to cope.

That is the kind of experience you would expect to happen working as a professional in this industry or the sex industry although you would be shocked as to how ill prepared many are to deal with such situations. That however borders more on another subject so I will leave it there.

The second instance I wish to bring up is an unusual one, as I believe it was precipitated by the stress of the earthquakes here in New Zealand. I had a client I had seen regularly for over a year with never a problem. Suddenly and with no warning I began receiving abusive texts and threats. Luckily as this was done in the evening I never had to see the client again. While he later apologized and blamed it on a family death and stress from the earthquakes. I never responded, abusive and unexpected behavior is never acceptable and I would never have felt comfortable again. I mention this case as a warning that unexpected stress factors in a client or submissive's life can cause them to respond in an unexpected manner or it can be the pushing point that tips them over displaying a side of a personality one was not previously aware of.

However as usual My blog is somewhat long winded so I will attempt to cut to the chase, even if I am sure some will find those experiences of use to them. There have been several times where I have noted a request for an extreme scene to have provoked feelings of anger and rage. In some cases it has been a language barrier, in others a wish to carry out a fantasy scene in porn but the reality of it rather than been erotic causing the person to feel a response of rage. In all of these cases I was able to recognize soon enough that rather than the scene having the enjoyable effect sought out if was heading towards a danger zone. I must admit to quickly securing the person/s when I noted this and then halting the scene. I feel sometimes the bottom is not aware of their own issues and even when believing themselves to be honest in their negotiations they are not actually aware they are dishonest with themselves.

I am sure many are aware of people seeking punishment and humiliation for the wrong reasons. These are people who may have repressed trauma in their past or anger towards an abuser, or parent figure. In these cases they often can seek to repeat pattens of the past, and while it may be a scene that turns out just fine it is important to be aware how quickly things can change. I am not saying that people seek out sessions or play partners with nefarious purposes, simply that Our brains are often not fully aware of Our reasons for everything We do. So as you can see this fits in with any scene that is not in a public place and even then that risk could still be there. One can pre screen play partners, and feel a connection but really how well do you know that person, or a better question how well do they know themselves.

You may have noted My comment about restraining a person I felt rage emanating from before halting the scene. I do this for My own safety, then I can stop the scene and be able to bring Myself to the persons level, talk to them, make eye contact and tell them I am picking up feelings that instead of enjoying the scene they are feeling anger towards Me. In all of these cases We were able to negotiate a safe end to the scene, and spend enough time discussing what occurred and often referring them to a specialist who can help. I think that when you work Professionally you are exposed to this situation a lot more. It does make Me very aware though that it can happen to anyone and at any time. You can have played with someone for a year without any problems arising but speaking from experience you should never let your guard down. Especially when playing in areas involving humiliation and physical abuse from a male or Female. So you may ask how the hell am I going to know if this could happen? Or as a man you may be thinking this does not apply to Me.

In the case of men I will draw on My extensive porn knowledge to a scene in meatholes by Khan Tusion with the porn star Nikki Hunter. Like all meatholes scenes it involved verbal and physical humiliation through pain and sex. About 3.4's of the way through the video the star loses the plot and has a major meltdown physically attacking and punching the male porn star harry. After calming her down she lay in a fetal position crying for sometime before deciding to complete the scene. So yes men it can happen to you and when someone breaks to that point they can have unusual physical strength and depending on where you are playing access to items that could injure you.

As for knowing whether it can happen to you and what to do about it. That is far trickier, I think one by been aware that a persons fantasies and needs can often be masking interior pain or that low self esteem has the potential to explode in a fit of violent actions is the first step. For the average scene this is unlikely to be a prevalent problem but when you add in humiliation and physical punishment or sexual hard use by a male or female you are playing with fire. Time to reassess as usual risk management. Ask the right questions, prefer to feel silly for doing so than be putting yourself at risk.

Ask if the person has been abused.
Ask if the person has self esteem issues.
Ask if the person has been or is using any medications for mental conditions.
Ask if the person has been or is in therapy for any reason.
Ask where the desire to be abused by a male or female comes from.
If it all seems genuine ask if they have any real life experience.
If they do not, start slow, play slowly, add in one new element each session. Spend extensive time during after care asking them how it made them feel, did they feel relief? If so why? Did they feel frustration? Did they feel nothing? Did they feel that is how they should be treated?

One is never going to be able to eliminate this risk. One can be more aware of it though and question play partners and monitor them more carefully. This was a hard blog to write because I wish I could better explain some of this. However unless I can place you in My body at that moment when I feel a persons mood change and the scene turning bad, and having to react and respond quickly, I can do not much better than sharing these experiences and words.

I hope it helps some of you and thank you again for reading and for the thought provoking comments in My humiliation blog that prompted this post.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Dungeon Venom 2012 Auckland

What is in the Dungeon....
Suspension frame over sized
Punishment horse leather and studs
Stocks and pillory
Spanking bench two tiered
Medical Bed, IV Stand, Medical cabinet, Enema gear, catheters
3000 feet of rope in jute, hemp and cotton
Cross dressing wardrobe and shoes
Violet wand kit for direct, indirect and loads of other play
Leather sling and stirrups
Rimba elctro unit
ESTIM electro unit
Elctro internal and external and custom made devices
Rubber body bag, rubber belt restraints, rubber hoods and inflatables
More canes, paddles, whips gags, harnesses, arm binders, blindfolds, strapo ons, anal hooks, speculums and anything else you could imagine.
Anal plugs from tiny to insanely massive. Prostate stimulators, fisting lube, needles and so much more...
So many rolls of palette wrap and tapes for mummification I could guess the meters to be in the 1000's
I have so many new exciting toys which came in the past couple of months.. Come and visit in Auckland CBD for a session soon!

Fetish Stiletto Heels Crushing teddybear

So I wanted you to enjoy some of My new shoe purchases... These are just 2 of the gorgeous 8 inch pairs I have added to My collection of around 150 pairs of heels and boots...


Racial Play or Race play and what it means

Racial Play or Race play and what it means

So since I have had a couple of emails on this subject recently, and a comment on My crushpets profile where he describes himself as My brown Butler and Myself as his Superior white Goddess it seemed a good time to write a blog on the subject. Racial play is one of the misunderstood and murky areas in the BDSM community that often brings tensions high. The tensions are easy to understand and I am often amused that the same people who find racial play so wrong are happy to accept rape play and rape fantasies as an acceptable form of play.

This is actually a good carry on from My blog on humiliation play as racial play is a form of it and I believe it was one thing I mentioned there. I was first introduced to racial play at a young age and without having put much thought into there been an actual term to describe it. About 8 years ago maybe nice, see I am aging quickly :) I was contacted by a Doctor in Israel. He confessed to me his fantasies about cross dressing and a particular obsession with boots. As time passed he confessed even more that as an orthodox Jew his main sexual fantasy was around having a Female dress up as a Nazi SS officer complete with boots and to humiliate him around his heritage. This fantasy involved been forced to perform perverse acts to maintain his freedom and also to have to cum on his food and consume it to escape starvation unlike other prisoners.

At the time My young brain quickly brushed over the moral right and wrong and went straight to the sexual enjoyment. I was excited and aroused mentally and physically by the evil nature of the fantasy and the call of the taboo. Still for those in their late teens and early twenties We were well versed in WWII history and the holocaust. The war crime trials were still on going and the horrors perpetrated on all sides were still a fresh gouge in world history. Still while I knew I was getting a thrill out of this because it was taboo I did not feel wrong for doing it. It fit right into place with My enjoyment of humiliating men, military and interrogation. Since I spent time in Austria and Germany I became even more fascinated with Nazi role play and SS uniforms and enjoyed using wehrmacht protocol as part of My slave training regimes.

Over the years I had many opportunities to participate in German sessions based around interrogation and military themes and all of the play partners seemed as excited as I was by adding in Nazi themes. For many the idea of a cruel German Nazi SS officer torturing them was the ultimate turn on even if them as i were only considering it as role play and not racial play. At that young age I had not considered it as a separate fetish simply a combination of military and humiliation fantasy.

As the years passed racial play made its emergence in porn and although one can argue that has been there all along, i will leave that for another blog. Racial sites popped up all over as it seemed a natural progression for humiliation porn to head in. Again I can mention My friend Duke as at this time I began to realise the anger and hatred towards enjoyment of this fetish. One of his sites is focused on humiliating black women in derogatory terms and also using things like white flour and such in some of the more extreme videos. i got involved in some discussions and was really amazed to see that not only the vanilla community were so angry but fellow fetishists. I knew Duke had had a girlfriend of many years and she just happened to be black. He is also one of the least racist people I know, he is just doing his job providing wank material for perverts like Me who enjoy the racial play.

I remember him bringing up why the anger directed at his site for white men humiliating black women did not provoke a similar response to black men on wifewriting who abused white women in racial play writing all over their bodies. This of course is rather obvious the wounds of slavery and pre civil war times are still very fresh for many. However in saying that what Jewish family does not consider their losses in the holocaust as painful.

Areas of racial play that are commonly explored are:
- Nazi Jewish scenarios
- Holocaust reenactment
- Medical scenarios with nazi scientists
- White slaves seeking to be degraded by black Owners
- White sluts for breeding by black men
- Black slaves to serve White Owners
- Black slavery historical reenactment
- Asian humiliation play mainly focused on cuckolding or penis humiliation.

These are all areas that fit in with history and racial stereotyping. Racial play can be any kind of scene that both are happy with. For My crushpet and I it is the idea of him as a butler or a pool boy that I can tease and abuse as he desires to be wanted by his White Mistress but is instead tortured and humiliated. Ask him if he feels it is consensual and fun.. ask him if it has long term made him unhappy or if he feels I see him as a lesser being than Me.. He is My dear and loving slave and as a person My equal and one who choses to serve Me and I love him for it. The worst torture for him is not Me calling him a useless spic who neglected to clean the leaves out of the pool or enjoying telling guests how hard it is to find good help with these immigrant workers :P He will tell you the worst torture is when i take My feet away :D The rest of it just keeps him permanently aroused.

And there we have it some of us just found that the taboo factor in Our races was also able to become something that brought erotic enjoyment. Hopefully more people will try to understand this is simply another form of BDSM play it is up to you whether you enjoy it or not.

This though is where the fetish is misunderstood and why porn is allowed to be produced and why it is not illegal for someone to have racial scenes with a consenting partner. The courts made it very clear there is a huge difference in actresses playing under age school girls in adult movies, as much as they differentiate a rape scene in a movie from an actual rape.

So here I ask My many readers and friends, due to My enjoyment of Nazi role play, been worshiped by black slaves and enacting historical role play, or taking enjoyment in small penis humiliation of a few asian slaves based on their race. Am I the person on your friends list a racist?

If your answer is yes, then you do not know Me well at all, but if it is Yes then are the people on your friends list who like to be the rapists in rape fantasies rapists? Are the mommys and daddys who like to do age play with their partners pedophiles?

This is certainly a fetish many feel discomfort with and do not want to see such a scene or participate in one. That is fine I also do feel the need to have a romantic night with rose petals, candles and "loveeeee making". Instead give Me a pair of 6 inch stiletto shiny boots and get down on your knees and give them a propr spit polish. Then I may decide to save your life, or buy your from that evil plantation Owner.. But of course only if that is what gets you off too. Otherwise we can stick to bondage, CBT, feet or whatever it is that floats your boat. I might give you a funny look though if you ask Me to rape you.. Did you suggest I commit a crime??? or are We negotiating a scene.. So with My usual sardonic humor I will end this blog and hope I have enlightened you a little more on why those of us into race play enjoy it.

Mistress Venom, Auckland New Zealand